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The moments when you stop recognizing yourself

  One day I woke up and felt different. I could not say why — it was just a feeling living somewhere inside me. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. It was me, a tired version, but still me. Yet something within me did not feel the same. Something had changed, and I could almost see how this other person was trying to get out and live my life. I told myself it was just a period and it would pass. I thought that once I took a break, I would return to myself again. But weeks later there was still no time to rest. And slowly, the other person began living my life. This person was nervous, anxious, and a bit mean. Unsatisfied, raising his voice, reacting with negativity. Impatient, not particularly kind, tolerating nothing and no one. Patience simply did not exist for him. I did not want him there, but I did not have the strength to fight him. The exhaustion was too big. Inside, I felt confused, disgusted, and ashamed of my actions. I felt lonely and misunders...
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The memory test

 




A few days ago I had a conversation with a close friend of mine about her partner and his struggles with stress. That remind me of something to share with you that helped me a lot with my OCD battle.

I used to have lots of “what if” thoughts. To be more precise I want to share this definition of an UK clinic with you:

“One of the most common types of intrusive thoughts are known as “what if” thoughts. These often involve catastrophic or irrational scenarios, creating a perpetual cycle of anxiety and fear. These thoughts can revolve around various aspects of life, such as personal safety, relationships, health, or moral values.

What sets them apart is the obsessive nature of these thoughts, leading individuals to constantly question and doubt themselves, seeking reassurance or engaging in compulsive behaviors to alleviate anxiety. It’s crucial to recognize that these thoughts are a product of OCD and not a reflection of reality.”

You can read here the whole article here: https://researchforyou.co.uk/mac-news/understanding-ocd-what-if-thoughts/

My therapist carried out a memory test on me. I was very scared that I have done things (awful, unacceptable and so on) and I might not remember. The “what if” thoughts were non-stop in my head and I needed to be reassured constantly. One time I got to my therapist, she said, “we are doing a test today”, I love tests so I got excited. I scored above 90%, my memory is very, very good. Realizing this it gave me a sense of security. Made me feel more confident and is useful when such a thought crosses my mind.

My advice is this test to be done by a professional; you cannot do it on your own, you could ask a friend to help you, but still, better is to go to someone who knows what they doing.

I hope this helps somebody!

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