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This Is Not for Everyone

  I am not here seeking admiration or devotion. I am here to be — and to show others that this way of being is not scary. I write because it is my salvation from messy thoughts and overwhelming days. Writing puts my mind in order. It gives me space for self-love and for catching my breath. I cannot be here all the time. Actually, I probably could — but I do not want to. I do not want to pay the price of viral fame. I do not want to lose myself in the illusion of the world around me. I do not want to forget where it all started or lose the ground under my feet. Being able to disappear is a necessity for me. It allows me to rest, to recharge, and to stay focused and calm. I disappear from the noise. From expectations. From the pressure that tells you that if you do not constantly do more, you will lose track or fail. When I come back, I see the world more clearly. Without pink glasses. Without dark thoughts taking over. I feel grounded again. I can look at...
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The memory test

 




A few days ago I had a conversation with a close friend of mine about her partner and his struggles with stress. That remind me of something to share with you that helped me a lot with my OCD battle.

I used to have lots of “what if” thoughts. To be more precise I want to share this definition of an UK clinic with you:

“One of the most common types of intrusive thoughts are known as “what if” thoughts. These often involve catastrophic or irrational scenarios, creating a perpetual cycle of anxiety and fear. These thoughts can revolve around various aspects of life, such as personal safety, relationships, health, or moral values.

What sets them apart is the obsessive nature of these thoughts, leading individuals to constantly question and doubt themselves, seeking reassurance or engaging in compulsive behaviors to alleviate anxiety. It’s crucial to recognize that these thoughts are a product of OCD and not a reflection of reality.”

You can read here the whole article here: https://researchforyou.co.uk/mac-news/understanding-ocd-what-if-thoughts/

My therapist carried out a memory test on me. I was very scared that I have done things (awful, unacceptable and so on) and I might not remember. The “what if” thoughts were non-stop in my head and I needed to be reassured constantly. One time I got to my therapist, she said, “we are doing a test today”, I love tests so I got excited. I scored above 90%, my memory is very, very good. Realizing this it gave me a sense of security. Made me feel more confident and is useful when such a thought crosses my mind.

My advice is this test to be done by a professional; you cannot do it on your own, you could ask a friend to help you, but still, better is to go to someone who knows what they doing.

I hope this helps somebody!

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