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Hi and welcome to my messy mind! It took me 10 years to finally step up and talk about this. I still do not feel brave enough to do it but even if I help one person, it will worth it. My name is Kristina and I am have OCD with intrusive thoughts. Writing helps me relax, focus and keep my mind calmer. I really hope that my blog will be beneficial for others who struggle just like me. I do not have a medical degree so everything I am sharing is my personal experience and how I am dealing with it.
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Reading – one of my true loves
As a child, I did not enjoy reading. All I wanted to do was to stay outside with friends, playing games. I never slept in the afternoon but if somebody made me read after two pages I was asleep, another reason why I did not enjoy it. I hated to sleep, I did not see any point in it just a waste of time.
However, when I was around 15 years old and I
started my first job at a pet store, I felt bored from time to time. I asked my
mother (she loves reading) to give me a book, something romantic and
interesting. I am very romantic! She was surprised and gave me one, of course,
I do not remember the name and I started to read it when there were no clients
at the store.
I felt in love with it. I finished it very
quickly and asked for another one. This is how it all started. At first, I was
reading her type of literature – criminal, romantic, mystery. When I was 17
years old, I switched to books that open your mind, teaching you how to cope
with life and how to get what you wanted.
Now I read whatever I feel like - I used to
read only psychology books, now I am in love with fantasy. I love the smell of
books, I like to hold them, hug them, they make me so happy! Despite that I
love buying books and putting them on my shelf, I decided to buy an e-reader due to lack
of space. At first, I hated the idea, but now I enjoy it.
Right now, I am reading Sarah J. Maas’ books
and I am over the moon. I love the way she describes the worlds, the emotions
and how she makes me believe in every character’s story. Since January I have
read 8 books, and I am in the middle of the 9th. I wish I could
spend all day and night just reading!
The characters in these fantasy books make me
think about myself. I am not sure how it has influenced me, but I somehow
compare the difficulties and hard times in my life with theirs. It is
ridiculous, I know; I have not been in a dungeon and tortured, however, I have
felt lonely, sad and did not want to do anything in my life, my heart has been
broken, and I always had the feeling that I am not enough. These days I see the
difference in me focusing on my positive features, accepting, and loving how I
am.
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