The clock and the list

Are you obsessed with your watch?
Constantly checking the time?
Wondering if you are late, if you can squeeze in one more task, if you can exceed today’s expectations — only to end the day overwhelmed and completely drained?

Yes? No?

Well, let me tell you how I fell into the trap of time and my wonderful to-do list.

Watching the time used to be crucial for me — maybe it still is, but definitely not the way it was before.
Not to be late.
To finish my work faster.
To stay obsessed with schedules, especially when my little boy was a newborn.

I was always on the run, watching the clock, making promises to myself — that I still had time, or pushing myself to hurry no matter the cost.
And the cost was usually my mental health.

Because I had to do it.

Then there was the to-do list.

Let me be clear — I still use it. I write down aaaall the tasks I have to do.
It helps me unload my mind.
It gives me a sense of order.

But — brilliant mind, I know — I found a way to stress myself all over again.

I had to finish everything on the list for the day.
Or even better — push myself to complete tasks planned for other days.
More pressure.
More stress.
More disappointment in how I felt about myself.

What led me to this realization?

I postponed writing down my goals for the year.
I didn’t make a new shared to-do list with my partner.

And you know what?

The Earth is still here.
We are still alive.

(I did write my goals today — but that’s a different post.)

What I noticed is that balance really is the key.
I actually do more now — without writing everything down, without constantly focusing on what I didn’t manage to do or how it still feels like it’s never enough.

Today, I try to do things slower.
I stay less on my phone.
I don’t punish myself for not doing my maximum extra on top of the plan every single day.

As a human being, and as someone who loves herself, I deserve to enjoy my day.
I deserve to enjoy my life.

I absolutely refuse to suffer because of my thoughts and the perfect image my brain creates of how productive I must be every day.

Last Saturday, my period came.
I was in pain, dizzy, and honestly awful company.

And instead of pushing myself, I said:
Look, girl. You suffer. Stay in bed.

So I did — with my book — almost the whole day.

Everything was fine.
My little boy was fine.
My partner was fine.
And I felt good.

Sometimes, stepping back is not failure.
It’s care.

And sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is let yourself rest.