The Kind of Tired That Isn’t About Sleep

 

Do you have this feeling that if you are not constantly doing something, you are failing?

For example, it is Sunday, but you do not actually rest.
You do everything possible in the house — cleaning, laundry, cooking.

And I don’t mean it as an enjoyable Sunday.

I am talking about the kind where you are fighting time, your schedule, your emotions — even the signals from your body and mind that are asking you to slow down.

Yet at the same time, you feel as if something terrible will happen if you stop.
As if a “bear” is chasing you.
As if slowing down means danger.

When I was a little girl, I heard:
“Why are you just standing there? Do something useful.”

So many times that now I fight with myself for the right to take a break.

It feels like I need to constantly prove myself by giving my maximum at every level of my life.
No slowing down.
No rest.

In my head lives the belief that I need to do certain things — otherwise I am not good enough.

Good enough for who?

Is it about me?
Or about how others see me?

What is more important — how I feel, or how others would look at me if they saw some dishes in the sink because I chose to stop and enjoy a few pages of my book?

Who do I have to convince that I am worthy enough without being on the pedal all the time — chasing unrealistic schedules while working and taking care of my little boy?

I chose love.
Love for myself.

Life is not measured by how many checks I have in my schedule.

For me, it is about balance.
About feelings.
About peace and harmony.

What would happen if you chose love too?

If this felt familiar, I would love to hear your story.