The day after the accident
I didn’t sleep very well, but it was better than I expected.
My boy is doing well. He’s full of energy, and there’s no change in his behavior, so I’m sure his injury wasn’t serious. Seeing him as his usual self makes me happy and helps me feel calmer.
However, I’m still struggling with my condition.
I felt anxious in the morning, and my body feels strange. It’s not new for me, but it feels like tiny needles all over my hands and legs. At moments, I feel light… almost like I’m not fully there.
The good news is that I managed to eat a proper breakfast without feeling like I would throw up.
Later, my partner, my boy, and I went to the city for a walk and to get some work done. My little one was so happy riding his bike that I had to run after him. It actually helped me — it distracted me from my intrusive thoughts.
After that, we bought some flowers for the garden. We had lunch, and again, I felt okay.
The afternoon was calm. I cut the grass in the garden, and focusing on that gave my mind a break from the OCD. Then it started raining, so we stayed inside, playing with puzzles and toy cars.
Around 6:30 p.m., after dinner, I started to feel nervous and anxious again.
I knew what was happening. Evenings have always been the hardest for me — that’s when my thoughts get louder and sleep feels impossible. So I wasn’t surprised.
The intrusive thoughts are still awful and terrifying for me.
But writing this helps. It brings me back to a more rational place.
I also took additional medication during the day, and I really hope it helps me calm down and get through this faster.
I hope tonight I’ll sleep better.
Sleep is so important — for both the mind and the body — and I really need it.
Last night, I read my post about Harm OCD, and it helped me instantly. It reminded me that it’s okay to have a condition, and that I am not dangerous to anyone.
Most importantly, it will pass.
It’s just this moment.
And I truly believe that each day will get a little better — until I feel like myself again.
If your body is still holding on to something that scared you:
→ Slowly getting back to “normal”
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