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For the days when everything feels too much

  Some days feel like a nightmare — full of pressure and rush. On those days I feel tired, overwhelmed, chased by tasks. It feels like my head is going to explode. Everything slips through my fingers and I lose control, unable to do anything and forced to do everything at the same time. The pressure squeezes me in a deadly hug, trying to drain all my energy and leave me barely breathing on the floor. It feels like there is a fog around me and my mind tries to see through it. Everything becomes too loud, too fast, or sometimes painfully slow. Anxiety fills my body like poison. When I feel that I’m losing the present from my sight, I try to stop and breathe. I take a small moment for myself — closing my eyes, trying to find the safe space in my soul, the refuge inside my body — and I tell myself: Everything will be fine. This will pass. You are strong enough. I try to return to the present by focusing on one task, just one thing I can do right now. Finishing that one small thi...
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The day after the accident

 

messy, day, accident, intrusive thoughts, OCD

I did not sleep very well, but it was better than I expected. My boy is well; he is full of energy and has no change in his behavior, so I am sure his injury was not that dangerous. Seeing him as usual make me happy and I feel calmer.

However, I am still struggling with my condition. I felt anxious in the morning and my body feels weird. It is not new for me but it is like having needles all over my hands and legs. I felt light like a ghost (I think they feel like that). The good news are that I managed to eat a proper breakfast without the urge to throw up.

My partner, my boy and I went to the city to take a walk and to do some work. My little one was so happy to ride his bike I had to run after him. This made me feel better because it distracted me from my intrusive thoughts. After that, we went to buy some flowers to plant in our garden. We had lunch and again I felt okay.

The afternoon was calm, I cut the grass in the garden and my mind was in the process so it could take some rest from the OCD. It started raining so we stayed home playing with puzzles and toy cars.

Around 6:30 p.m., after having dinner I started to feel nervous and anxious. I knew what was going on as I used to have my worst times in the evenings and had trouble sleeping, so I was not surprised. My intrusive thoughts are awful and horrifying for me, but writing this post helps me think more rationally. As well, I had two additional pills during the day so I pray they will help me calm down and get out soon of this situation.

I hope that tonight I will sleep well. Sleep is crucial for the brain and body to rest so I need it. Last night I read my post about Harm OCD and I felt instantly better because it just reminded me that it is ok to have a disease and I am not dangerous for anybody. Most importantly, it will pass, it is just now, this moment and I believe every other day is going to be better until I feel fully myself again.

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