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This Is Not for Everyone

  I am not here seeking admiration or devotion. I am here to be — and to show others that this way of being is not scary. I write because it is my salvation from messy thoughts and overwhelming days. Writing puts my mind in order. It gives me space for self-love and for catching my breath. I cannot be here all the time. Actually, I probably could — but I do not want to. I do not want to pay the price of viral fame. I do not want to lose myself in the illusion of the world around me. I do not want to forget where it all started or lose the ground under my feet. Being able to disappear is a necessity for me. It allows me to rest, to recharge, and to stay focused and calm. I disappear from the noise. From expectations. From the pressure that tells you that if you do not constantly do more, you will lose track or fail. When I come back, I see the world more clearly. Without pink glasses. Without dark thoughts taking over. I feel grounded again. I can look at...
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Slowly getting back to “normal“

 

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Finally, the high intensity of the last few weeks is easing back to stages that are more normal. I managed to do most of the work concerning our business and made big decisions about the renovation of our future home. This took away a lot of the pressure I was feeling. At some points, I felt like my brain was burning, as if my head was about to explode from all the thoughts and things I had to deal with.

My greatest motivation to work this hard and not give up was thinking about the renovation of the house and what would be best for my family, especially my little boy. I really want a fresh start, and I feel that it would be a very important step for all of us. I believe it will be somewhat of a challenge for my mental health, but at the same time, it will help me grow and become more confident.

Last weekend my father and his wife came to visit us. They spent four days in our village house, and we had a great time. The days passed between eating out in different places and enjoying homemade barbeque. Veni had this amazing idea and turned our garden into a movie theatre. The movie we chose to watch on the big screen was Jurassic Park. Everything was fine until it started to rain, but Veni didn’t give up. We moved everything under a small tent where our boys’ pool usually is. We did it just in time, as it soon started to rain heavily. It was a great night, full of excitement.


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From this visit, I have a wonderful memory to keep. A very dear moment to my heart was when my little one called me to show what he had been drawing with his grandfather. I felt a warm feeling inside my chest. They both looked very happy and proud of themselves. I hope that, with time, they will build a great relationship.

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