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The moments when you stop recognizing yourself

  One day I woke up and felt different. I could not say why — it was just a feeling living somewhere inside me. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. It was me, a tired version, but still me. Yet something within me did not feel the same. Something had changed, and I could almost see how this other person was trying to get out and live my life. I told myself it was just a period and it would pass. I thought that once I took a break, I would return to myself again. But weeks later there was still no time to rest. And slowly, the other person began living my life. This person was nervous, anxious, and a bit mean. Unsatisfied, raising his voice, reacting with negativity. Impatient, not particularly kind, tolerating nothing and no one. Patience simply did not exist for him. I did not want him there, but I did not have the strength to fight him. The exhaustion was too big. Inside, I felt confused, disgusted, and ashamed of my actions. I felt lonely and misunders...

Slowly getting back to “normal“

 

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Finally, the high intensity of the last few weeks is easing back to stages that are more normal. I managed to do most of the work concerning our business and made big decisions about the renovation of our future home. This took away a lot of the pressure I was feeling. At some points, I felt like my brain was burning, as if my head was about to explode from all the thoughts and things I had to deal with.

My greatest motivation to work this hard and not give up was thinking about the renovation of the house and what would be best for my family, especially my little boy. I really want a fresh start, and I feel that it would be a very important step for all of us. I believe it will be somewhat of a challenge for my mental health, but at the same time, it will help me grow and become more confident.

Last weekend my father and his wife came to visit us. They spent four days in our village house, and we had a great time. The days passed between eating out in different places and enjoying homemade barbeque. Veni had this amazing idea and turned our garden into a movie theatre. The movie we chose to watch on the big screen was Jurassic Park. Everything was fine until it started to rain, but Veni didn’t give up. We moved everything under a small tent where our boys’ pool usually is. We did it just in time, as it soon started to rain heavily. It was a great night, full of excitement.


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From this visit, I have a wonderful memory to keep. A very dear moment to my heart was when my little one called me to show what he had been drawing with his grandfather. I felt a warm feeling inside my chest. They both looked very happy and proud of themselves. I hope that, with time, they will build a great relationship.

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