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This Is Not for Everyone

  I am not here seeking admiration or devotion. I am here to be — and to show others that this way of being is not scary. I write because it is my salvation from messy thoughts and overwhelming days. Writing puts my mind in order. It gives me space for self-love and for catching my breath. I cannot be here all the time. Actually, I probably could — but I do not want to. I do not want to pay the price of viral fame. I do not want to lose myself in the illusion of the world around me. I do not want to forget where it all started or lose the ground under my feet. Being able to disappear is a necessity for me. It allows me to rest, to recharge, and to stay focused and calm. I disappear from the noise. From expectations. From the pressure that tells you that if you do not constantly do more, you will lose track or fail. When I come back, I see the world more clearly. Without pink glasses. Without dark thoughts taking over. I feel grounded again. I can look at...
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I’m not gone

 

A woman standing by a window, gently opening dark curtains as warm morning light fills the room.


When I disappear from my blog, I am usually truly focused on coping with all the tasks the day throws at me.
The silence here means that my days are screaming with overload.
There is no time to sit and write, no time for me-time, no space to simply enjoy being me.

It is coping.
It is surviving.
It is trying not to burn out.

A part of me wanted to write one evening, but I felt that it would be more than I could handle. It would feel more stressful than relaxing — and that is everything I do not want this blog to be.

When I am quiet here, it does not mean that nothing is happening.
It means that a lot is happening.

I would like people to understand that it is okay to be missing for a while.
It is okay to take your time and do what is best for your body, soul, and mind.
Silence does not mean failure — it means self-care.

For those who stay silent here, reading my texts, I want you to know this: I will stay with you. I will be here for you.
But sometimes I need a break — a breath of fresh air, space to put my thoughts in order.

This blog is my emotional support, my revelation, and at certain points, even my salvation.

I have to admit that before, I felt guilty for not writing at a certain pace. It had a negative effect on my mind — the feeling that it was not good enough, that it would not grow or go anywhere if I was not constantly present.

Now I simply miss it.
I do not feel guilt anymore — that is not the point of this space.

This is a process of learning, sharing, and helping.

Now I feel lighter, happier, and more secure.
I know that this blog is not a must — it is a desire.
It is me, my space, my way.

I do not show people a perfect version of my life.
I show it as it is — the mess, the happy moments, the ups and lows, the love and the misunderstandings.
A normal life.
The everyday struggle.
Trying to figure out an anxiety disorder.

Please remember, when looking at someone’s perfection, that there is always a side we do not see and do not know about.
Usually, underneath that perfection, there is a lot happening — and not always in a positive way.

If you are at a point where everything feels difficult, nothing works out, and you are overwhelmed, please give yourself time and love.
Take a long shower. Let the water wash away the stress.
Do something you love.
Keep the TV and phone away.
Let your mind take a break and your body rest.
Do not rush.

Time heals.
Time gives answers.
Time helps.

And please remember — I am here for you.
Sending you a vast hug.
If you need me, you can always write, ask, and share.

 

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