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The moments when you stop recognizing yourself

  One day I woke up and felt different. I could not say why — it was just a feeling living somewhere inside me. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. It was me, a tired version, but still me. Yet something within me did not feel the same. Something had changed, and I could almost see how this other person was trying to get out and live my life. I told myself it was just a period and it would pass. I thought that once I took a break, I would return to myself again. But weeks later there was still no time to rest. And slowly, the other person began living my life. This person was nervous, anxious, and a bit mean. Unsatisfied, raising his voice, reacting with negativity. Impatient, not particularly kind, tolerating nothing and no one. Patience simply did not exist for him. I did not want him there, but I did not have the strength to fight him. The exhaustion was too big. Inside, I felt confused, disgusted, and ashamed of my actions. I felt lonely and misunders...
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I’m not gone

 

A woman standing by a window, gently opening dark curtains as warm morning light fills the room.


When I disappear from my blog, I am usually truly focused on coping with all the tasks the day throws at me.
The silence here means that my days are screaming with overload.
There is no time to sit and write, no time for me-time, no space to simply enjoy being me.

It is coping.
It is surviving.
It is trying not to burn out.

A part of me wanted to write one evening, but I felt that it would be more than I could handle. It would feel more stressful than relaxing — and that is everything I do not want this blog to be.

When I am quiet here, it does not mean that nothing is happening.
It means that a lot is happening.

I would like people to understand that it is okay to be missing for a while.
It is okay to take your time and do what is best for your body, soul, and mind.
Silence does not mean failure — it means self-care.

For those who stay silent here, reading my texts, I want you to know this: I will stay with you. I will be here for you.
But sometimes I need a break — a breath of fresh air, space to put my thoughts in order.

This blog is my emotional support, my revelation, and at certain points, even my salvation.

I have to admit that before, I felt guilty for not writing at a certain pace. It had a negative effect on my mind — the feeling that it was not good enough, that it would not grow or go anywhere if I was not constantly present.

Now I simply miss it.
I do not feel guilt anymore — that is not the point of this space.

This is a process of learning, sharing, and helping.

Now I feel lighter, happier, and more secure.
I know that this blog is not a must — it is a desire.
It is me, my space, my way.

I do not show people a perfect version of my life.
I show it as it is — the mess, the happy moments, the ups and lows, the love and the misunderstandings.
A normal life.
The everyday struggle.
Trying to figure out an anxiety disorder.

Please remember, when looking at someone’s perfection, that there is always a side we do not see and do not know about.
Usually, underneath that perfection, there is a lot happening — and not always in a positive way.

If you are at a point where everything feels difficult, nothing works out, and you are overwhelmed, please give yourself time and love.
Take a long shower. Let the water wash away the stress.
Do something you love.
Keep the TV and phone away.
Let your mind take a break and your body rest.
Do not rush.

Time heals.
Time gives answers.
Time helps.

And please remember — I am here for you.
Sending you a vast hug.
If you need me, you can always write, ask, and share.

 

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