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For the days when everything feels too much

  Some days feel like a nightmare — full of pressure and rush. On those days I feel tired, overwhelmed, chased by tasks. It feels like my head is going to explode. Everything slips through my fingers and I lose control, unable to do anything and forced to do everything at the same time. The pressure squeezes me in a deadly hug, trying to drain all my energy and leave me barely breathing on the floor. It feels like there is a fog around me and my mind tries to see through it. Everything becomes too loud, too fast, or sometimes painfully slow. Anxiety fills my body like poison. When I feel that I’m losing the present from my sight, I try to stop and breathe. I take a small moment for myself — closing my eyes, trying to find the safe space in my soul, the refuge inside my body — and I tell myself: Everything will be fine. This will pass. You are strong enough. I try to return to the present by focusing on one task, just one thing I can do right now. Finishing that one small thi...
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OCD as a reminder of the present

 




It has been a few days since I last posted on the blog. We have had so much work, and I have been trying to spend more time outside after finishing for the day, because I know screen time definitely does not help my mental health.

However, I can feel my OCD getting worse almost every day. I am constantly in a hurry to finish all my tasks, and it is making me nervous. I have this awful feeling that it will never end — that the tasks just keep coming, one after another.

Outside of work, something else is occupying my mind — a piece of good, exciting news that I do not want to share just yet. Hopefully, by this Friday, things will become clearer and I will know whether it is going to be a success. I am feeling both very anxious and overwhelmed, but also incredibly eager and hopeful for such a huge change in our lives.

I have also found myself scrolling on my phone much more than before. So now, I try to leave it inside the house and go out into the garden — doing Sudoku, taking care of the plants, and playing with my little boy.

What pushed me to sit down and write today was a moment when I was mindlessly scrolling on my phone, stressed about work, when an intrusive thought suddenly crossed my mind. It scared me so much that my hands tingled, and I just wanted to hide and escape from the thought.

I am sure it is just a phase brought on by the stress of the past 10 days. I really hope it will all be over soon so I can clear my head and get some rest.

If you are going through something similar, please know you are not alone. We all have our ups and downs, and it is okay to pause and take care of your mind.

 

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