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This Is Not for Everyone

  I am not here seeking admiration or devotion. I am here to be — and to show others that this way of being is not scary. I write because it is my salvation from messy thoughts and overwhelming days. Writing puts my mind in order. It gives me space for self-love and for catching my breath. I cannot be here all the time. Actually, I probably could — but I do not want to. I do not want to pay the price of viral fame. I do not want to lose myself in the illusion of the world around me. I do not want to forget where it all started or lose the ground under my feet. Being able to disappear is a necessity for me. It allows me to rest, to recharge, and to stay focused and calm. I disappear from the noise. From expectations. From the pressure that tells you that if you do not constantly do more, you will lose track or fail. When I come back, I see the world more clearly. Without pink glasses. Without dark thoughts taking over. I feel grounded again. I can look at...
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OCD as a reminder of the present

 




It has been a few days since I last posted on the blog. We have had so much work, and I have been trying to spend more time outside after finishing for the day, because I know screen time definitely does not help my mental health.

However, I can feel my OCD getting worse almost every day. I am constantly in a hurry to finish all my tasks, and it is making me nervous. I have this awful feeling that it will never end — that the tasks just keep coming, one after another.

Outside of work, something else is occupying my mind — a piece of good, exciting news that I do not want to share just yet. Hopefully, by this Friday, things will become clearer and I will know whether it is going to be a success. I am feeling both very anxious and overwhelmed, but also incredibly eager and hopeful for such a huge change in our lives.

I have also found myself scrolling on my phone much more than before. So now, I try to leave it inside the house and go out into the garden — doing Sudoku, taking care of the plants, and playing with my little boy.

What pushed me to sit down and write today was a moment when I was mindlessly scrolling on my phone, stressed about work, when an intrusive thought suddenly crossed my mind. It scared me so much that my hands tingled, and I just wanted to hide and escape from the thought.

I am sure it is just a phase brought on by the stress of the past 10 days. I really hope it will all be over soon so I can clear my head and get some rest.

If you are going through something similar, please know you are not alone. We all have our ups and downs, and it is okay to pause and take care of your mind.

 

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