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The moments when you stop recognizing yourself

  One day I woke up and felt different. I could not say why — it was just a feeling living somewhere inside me. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. It was me, a tired version, but still me. Yet something within me did not feel the same. Something had changed, and I could almost see how this other person was trying to get out and live my life. I told myself it was just a period and it would pass. I thought that once I took a break, I would return to myself again. But weeks later there was still no time to rest. And slowly, the other person began living my life. This person was nervous, anxious, and a bit mean. Unsatisfied, raising his voice, reacting with negativity. Impatient, not particularly kind, tolerating nothing and no one. Patience simply did not exist for him. I did not want him there, but I did not have the strength to fight him. The exhaustion was too big. Inside, I felt confused, disgusted, and ashamed of my actions. I felt lonely and misunders...
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Too Much Work Stress – Linden as a Solution

 

linden,tea,healthy


Lately, we have had so much work that it feels like someone is pouring stress over me. Running a family business adds another level of pressure, but the hardest part was going back to work after 10 days of not even touching a laptop. I try to do my best, but it always feels like it is not enough. In the evenings, I often find myself thinking about what I could have done better or more. At the same time, I feel how tired I am, and how intrusive thoughts try to conquer my mind—but I still manage to keep them away.

My son is not attending kindergarten yet, and in Bulgaria it is mandatory to start at age 4. I really wanted him to stay with us as long as possible, but I can see how much attention and how many activities he needs—and I simply cannot offer him everything. On top of that, I still need to work, manage the blog, and stay active on Facebook and Instagram. It is all becoming too much. Maybe by the end of this year, we will enroll him in kindergarten. I believe he will enjoy it—and it will give us more time to focus and work more effectively.

Back to the high stress levels. I feel a pressure inside me that makes me doubt almost everything I do. From time to time, I get intrusive thoughts. I try not to let them bother me too much, but I know my OCD tends to worsen when the stress subsides and I am calm again. I still have my medication, just in case, because I am afraid all this might trigger a crisis—and I will “shut down.” That is definitely not an option.

Therefore, my therapy was… gathering linden! Moreover, it worked—a little. Here in Vidin, in the main park along the Danube River, there are so many linden trees, and the aroma is absolutely stunning. I cannot get enough of it! It brings back the sweetest memories from childhood—going to my village and every day for breakfast drinking linden tea.

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Veni really enjoyed watching me jump to reach the higher branches and laughed a lot. He even helped—when he was not chasing our little boy. I enjoyed the activity so much that I am already thinking of doing it again. That way, we will have some amazing tea to enjoy during the winter!

linden,tea,healthy


I truly believe that when you feel down, you should take small steps to help yourself feel better. I suggest starting with a simple walk in nature—let your mind breathe and calm down. Then the good ideas will follow, and you will probably return home feeling a little bit lighter.

 

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