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For the days when everything feels too much

  Some days feel like a nightmare — full of pressure and rush. On those days I feel tired, overwhelmed, chased by tasks. It feels like my head is going to explode. Everything slips through my fingers and I lose control, unable to do anything and forced to do everything at the same time. The pressure squeezes me in a deadly hug, trying to drain all my energy and leave me barely breathing on the floor. It feels like there is a fog around me and my mind tries to see through it. Everything becomes too loud, too fast, or sometimes painfully slow. Anxiety fills my body like poison. When I feel that I’m losing the present from my sight, I try to stop and breathe. I take a small moment for myself — closing my eyes, trying to find the safe space in my soul, the refuge inside my body — and I tell myself: Everything will be fine. This will pass. You are strong enough. I try to return to the present by focusing on one task, just one thing I can do right now. Finishing that one small thi...

When Freedom Lasts Only Three Days

 

mother,tired,exhausted

I was both happy and worried at the same time when my little boy started kindergarten. Especially after the first day, when he cried non-stop until noon and I had to go and pick him up. Thank God, the next day he stayed the whole day, and Veni and I finally enjoyed that feeling of freedom – having a whole day just for yourself. Don’t you dare think, even for a minute, that this meant relaxing, watching movies, or doing fun activities. No, it meant work, work, and more work. Still, when nobody interrupts you and you don’t have to constantly keep track of the schedule (meals, naps, and so on), you really do feel free.

Actually, our boy managed to stay the whole week, which was three and a half days. I enjoyed every second of it. Of course, in the morning he didn’t want to go, but I guess his teachers are really good and take care of him well enough that he feels fine later during the day.

After this short three-day freedom, we were already looking forward to the next week. But there were three days off because of a national holiday in Bulgaria, and I was worried that our boy would have a hard time going back. The moment he hears the word “kindergarten”, he immediately says “no”—even if someone just mentions it in a conversation unrelated to him. Not that it mattered, because during those three days off he got sick. His Majesty the Snot had arrived. My plans for the week were crushed in a second—again, all about work, not fun free time. I had so many things I wanted to do: working on the blog (though after so much work I didn’t even want to see a laptop), learning something new (but for that, again, I needed my laptop).

So, how did the week actually go? The little one—with snot. Veni got sick. I developed gastritis (too much stress about kindergarten the week before). One of my employees took the week off. And my mother-in-law, with whom we work together, also had the week off. Lovely! The gastritis improved after two days thanks to some medicine and diet. Then, out of nowhere, an awful lower back pain arrived. It was so bad I could hardly sit or lie down. The pain was unbearable, and I couldn’t sleep. It still hurts, though not as badly. I believe it’s because I stopped my workouts, which I don’t like, but I’m staying optimistic.

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