The First Days Without Him

 

That night, everything felt too quiet — and too heavy.

Sunday night felt so strange for me — not only did intrusive thoughts try to conquer my mind, but it was also so silent and empty without Veni. Especially when I went to bed — we have our own rituals: reading, watching something (lately K-dramas), and now 

I felt confused.
I didn’t want to do anything without him.

Thankfully, I managed to sleep well because kindergarten was waiting for our little boy early in the morning. My boy wasn’t in the mood and didn’t want to go — which made everything harder.
Finally, I managed to hand him over to his teacher and continue with my day — still feeling the huge absence of my partner.

The next three days were chaos — full of work, taking care of our boy, and trying to cope with everything alone.

On the fourth day, my little boy got sick. I still had a lot of work to do, so I went to the office to pick up some papers so I could work from home. When the weather was nice, I took him for short walks in the park. This continued for about ten days. At first, he just had a runny nose, but suddenly he started coughing and had trouble breathing.
I got so, so scared and made an appointment with a doctor for the same evening. I was so grateful that he saw us at 7 p.m. and did a full examination — the diagnosis was laryngitis.

What scared me the most was how suddenly he could struggle to breathe — and I might have to rush him to the hospital. We live about 20 minutes away, and I couldn’t imagine my boy struggling to breathe while I drove through two villages in the middle of the night.

That night, I slept in the kitchen with him.
Every time he started coughing, I got up.
Opened the window.
Waited for him to calm down. 
The cold, humid air helps with laryngitis.
I was so grateful he didn’t experience any further problems.

In the end, he got better and went back to kindergarten a few days later. He has so much fun there and is finally starting to enjoy it.

Soon Veni will be home.
I’ve prepared a few surprises for him and can’t wait to hug and kiss him.

Do you make surprises for your loved ones?