When Your Mind Is Loud but You Keep Going
There is a reason I chose “my messy mind” as the name of my blog.
I feel chaos so often in my mind and life that I simply couldn’t think
of a better expression. Please don’t think this is because I am disorganized —
quite the opposite.
I am a very organized person.
I make lists.
Follow
schedules.
Try to think two or three steps ahead whenever possible.
I try to do as much as I can every single day — and I believe that, at some point, this is what broke me.
Now, after years of cognitive behavioral therapy, I have finally started to treat myself like a human being
—
not a robot.
Believe me, it is a huge relief.
And yet, I still struggle when there are too many tasks, or when I have a full week planned and my toddler gets sick and everything suddenly has to change.
Despite all the challenges in my life, I try to stay positive, accept them, and find a way to solve them. I try not to focus so much on the problem itself, but on the solution — and what the situation might bring. Sometimes, honestly, it just sucks — but even then, I try to stay positive. As a mother, a small business owner, a housewife, and a not-so-successful (yet!) blogger, people often forget that I also only have 24 hours in a day. Some people assume that because I don’t work a strict 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. schedule, I can do whatever I want. That is not true at all.
I genuinely try to give the best of myself in everything I do.
And that is not easy — especially when there are too many tasks in a single day, and at the same time I am expected to be in a good mood, gentle, and available everywhere I am needed. People often
don’t see how much I struggle to preserve myself — my mind and my soul —
because as an introvert living with OCD, this is a huge challenge.
My mind is the loudest when I am in a rush which usually means I am overwhelmed by work and responsibilities. I try to do everything as quickly as possible so that, by the end of the day, I can feel satisfied with the results — otherwise, disappointment creeps in. Over the past few months, this has started to change. I am learning to prioritize.
If there is time for something extra — great.
If
not, there is tomorrow.
Even when my mind is screaming
and my body reacts with symptoms like sweating or difficulty breathing, I try
to focus on the present moment — on the task in front of me. I slow my breath
and remind myself: you are doing great, don’t
worry too much. When there are people around me, I often smile, make
jokes, and pretend everything is fine — while inside, a volcano of emotions is
erupting in my mind and body.
What motivates me to keep
going is my family. Before, it was my mother; now it is mostly my partner and
my child. I also feel a responsibility to make my own life better — and to help others feel better too. Sometimes, the price I pay for this
is very high. In the past, I went through periods where I couldn’t do anything
for myself because it felt selfish. If I tried, I was overwhelmed by guilt and
discomfort.
By constantly putting everyone
else first and myself last, I slowly drained the happiness out of my own life.
I want to say clearly that making the people around me feel loved and cared for is deeply important to me. But when I neglect
myself, my mind and body suffer greatly. Balance is essential. Today, I am
learning to love myself, to praise myself, and as a result, I am becoming more
understanding and gentle with others as well.
I hope that when you read
this, you tell yourself:
“I deserve to be calm and happy.
I deserve to take a break and treat myself.”
Most people feel this way at some point — it’s not new, trendy, or unusual. If
you find yourself on this exhausting roller coaster, try to pause it. Step off,
even for a day, and give yourself time. I truly believe it can make a
meaningful difference in your life.
I often remind myself:
“It will get better.”
I hope this helped. I’m sending you a big, warm hug — and if you feel like
sharing something, I’m right here.
Thank you.
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