The Part of OCD Nobody Talks About

 

Lately I hear people using “OCD” for anything and everything.
As if it isn’t something painful, but a caprice.
I often feel offended by this, because most people have absolutely no idea how much of a struggle it is to actually have an OCD diagnosis.
This also creates the misconception that OCD isn’t serious — that it’s just a modern fad.
At least this is how it looks in Bulgaria. I’ve noticed that in other countries it’s different, and mental health is treated as an important part of society.
I hope that through my writing I can promote the importance of mental health and make people think about it more.

My experience with OCD has shown me that the lack of knowledge makes you feel lunatic, lonely, and confused.
The lack of support and understanding from family, friends, and even your partner only worsens the situation.
I have to admit I’ve had suicidal thoughts because of the mixture of emotions inside me.
I don’t think anyone in this world deserves to feel like this.

My own OCD thoughts are mainly related to harm OCD.
It used to drive me crazy — I felt unworthy of living in this world when such thoughts crossed my mind.
Through a psychiatrist and later a clinical psychologist (cognitive behavioral therapy), I managed to see through some of the fog in my mind.
I have to admit I am on medication, and unfortunately, even though the dose is very small, I cannot stop it yet.

My body reacts differently depending on the thought.
Sometimes I can’t breathe well, I sweat, I feel terrified and anxious, and I want to run and hide.
My OCD has tried to convince me that I’ve done terrible things — things worthy of jail and punishment.
Yet it’s only a thought. Nothing real. Nothing I actually want to do.

People with OCD can’t simply reject a thought. It’s not that easy.
Often the thought goes in a vicious circle in your head, and you can’t break free from the shackles it puts on you.
This was the hardest part for me to explain to my family and partner.
I still see how sometimes they’re confused by it, but over the years — thanks to my therapist and the support of my family — I’ve gotten better, and they’ve become more understanding.

OCD is a dark prison of the mind that tortures you without warning.

Today I live with OCD differently.
It’s still here, but it no longer defines my worth. If someone reading this recognizes themselves — you’re not strange, and you’re not alone.