The moments when you stop recognizing yourself

 

One day I woke up and felt different. I could not say why — it was just a feeling living somewhere inside me. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. It was me, a tired version, but still me. Yet something within me did not feel the same.

Something had changed, and I could almost see how this other person was trying to get out and live my life.

I told myself it was just a period and it would pass. I thought that once I took a break, I would return to myself again.

But weeks later there was still no time to rest. And slowly, the other person began living my life.

This person was nervous, anxious, and a bit mean. Unsatisfied, raising his voice, reacting with negativity. Impatient, not particularly kind, tolerating nothing and no one. Patience simply did not exist for him.

I did not want him there, but I did not have the strength to fight him. The exhaustion was too big.

Inside, I felt confused, disgusted, and ashamed of my actions. I felt lonely and misunderstood. I did not like the way I treated people — the impatience toward everyone, especially toward my son.

With every reaction that was not truly me, I felt like I was losing a small part of myself.

Then I realized something.

For almost a month, I had not taken care of myself at all. I was trying to keep a small spark of who I am while constantly fighting everything and everyone around me. I was living in a kind of survival mode — searching for rest but constantly overwhelmed by tasks and responsibilities.

So I started doing small things to remind myself that I am a human being, and that I need care and kindness.

No — not just need.

I deserve love and care.

So I began giving it to myself.

One day I would take five quiet minutes just for me and my coffee, sitting in silence and enjoying every second of it. Another day I would take a longer shower, simply listening to the sound of the water and allowing myself to relax.

Slowly, the other person began to step back.
Not completely, not all at once, but enough for me to recognize small pieces of myself again.

I realized that I had not changed into someone else.
I was simply exhausted.

Maybe you have been there.
Maybe you are there now.

Remember to love yourself.
Remember that you deserve to be a priority in your own life.

And if you need someone to hear you — I am here.