I thought I was fine

 

I thought I was fine.

It started in the most normal moment.
I was cutting a salad. Nothing unusual. Nothing heavy. Just another evening.

And then, suddenly, it hit me.

Intrusive thoughts. Dark and vivid.
Louder than they should be.

I felt it immediately in my body.
That quiet shift.
That uneasiness that creeps in before you even understand what’s happening.

My temperature felt like it was rising.
My hands started to shake — just a little.
But enough.

I wanted to run.
To escape my own mind.

But there’s nowhere to go when it’s inside you.

I thought I was fine.
Apparently, all the stress I had been carrying had just been… waiting.
Sleeping somewhere deep, until it decided to surface all at once.

I tried to stay grounded.
Focusing on what I was doing.
Repeating each step in my mind, like it could keep me here.

Cut the tomatoes.
Put them in the bowl.
Breathe.

For a moment, it worked.

Then another thought came.
And just like that, I was pulled back again.

From okay…
to overwhelmed.
Back and forth.

I felt nauseous.
Scared.
Tired of fighting something I couldn’t even see.

I took a pill, hoping it would calm things down.
I didn’t want to feel like that. Not again.

I talked to my partner.
Tried to stay present.
Tried to remind myself that I was safe.

But it was still there.
That quiet storm in my head.

It was just an evening.
Nothing dramatic from the outside.

But inside…

it was exhausting.

If you’ve been feeling like this too, these might help:

• I didn’t have space to breathe
• I didn’t feel peaceful before Easter. I felt exhausted.
• The moments when you stop recognizing yourself