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This Is Not for Everyone

  I am not here seeking admiration or devotion. I am here to be — and to show others that this way of being is not scary. I write because it is my salvation from messy thoughts and overwhelming days. Writing puts my mind in order. It gives me space for self-love and for catching my breath. I cannot be here all the time. Actually, I probably could — but I do not want to. I do not want to pay the price of viral fame. I do not want to lose myself in the illusion of the world around me. I do not want to forget where it all started or lose the ground under my feet. Being able to disappear is a necessity for me. It allows me to rest, to recharge, and to stay focused and calm. I disappear from the noise. From expectations. From the pressure that tells you that if you do not constantly do more, you will lose track or fail. When I come back, I see the world more clearly. Without pink glasses. Without dark thoughts taking over. I feel grounded again. I can look at...
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I do not like events (usually)

 

event,stress,new people,drink

I am an owner of a micro company and a chairman of a Non-Government organization. It is not a big deal, I try to develop both of them, very slowly. I have a good idea for the NGO but I will wait a bit more to clear the concept in my mind and for my boy to start kindergarten so I have more time.

Last week there was an event, which I could not miss because it was organized by the NGO, and as a chairman of it I had to be there. It started well; as a former waitress I arranged the catering, made sure the seats in the conference room are okay and there is water for everybody. The whole organization process was amazing, loved it. However, when the guests started to come my stomach clenched. My staff gave me some whiskey for the nerves I took a sip or two and left it because the presentation was about to start.

It was all good. Thank God, I did not need to speak. They have asked me before that and I refused. There was even people from the local press, which made me so anxious. However, the presentation was over and the fun part started. Wine and food, lovely combination. I did not know more than half of the people there and felt so uncomfortable. Furthermore, mixing whiskey and wine is not wise! I did not get drunk, of course, but I was stressed that I might get, which was not helpful!

Everything finished for 2 hours. I thought it was 2 days. People were delighted. They loved the food, the wine from a local winery; it was a very useful event for everybody.

It took me 3 days to feel like myself, I felt drained from the event. I told my staff that I do not want to see people until Christmas and they laughed. I was not joking at all. Unfortunately, that is not possible so I am continuing to put my introvert side out of its comfort zone by communicating with human beings.

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