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The moments when you stop recognizing yourself

  One day I woke up and felt different. I could not say why — it was just a feeling living somewhere inside me. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. It was me, a tired version, but still me. Yet something within me did not feel the same. Something had changed, and I could almost see how this other person was trying to get out and live my life. I told myself it was just a period and it would pass. I thought that once I took a break, I would return to myself again. But weeks later there was still no time to rest. And slowly, the other person began living my life. This person was nervous, anxious, and a bit mean. Unsatisfied, raising his voice, reacting with negativity. Impatient, not particularly kind, tolerating nothing and no one. Patience simply did not exist for him. I did not want him there, but I did not have the strength to fight him. The exhaustion was too big. Inside, I felt confused, disgusted, and ashamed of my actions. I felt lonely and misunders...
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I do not like events (usually)

 

event,stress,new people,drink

I am an owner of a micro company and a chairman of a Non-Government organization. It is not a big deal, I try to develop both of them, very slowly. I have a good idea for the NGO but I will wait a bit more to clear the concept in my mind and for my boy to start kindergarten so I have more time.

Last week there was an event, which I could not miss because it was organized by the NGO, and as a chairman of it I had to be there. It started well; as a former waitress I arranged the catering, made sure the seats in the conference room are okay and there is water for everybody. The whole organization process was amazing, loved it. However, when the guests started to come my stomach clenched. My staff gave me some whiskey for the nerves I took a sip or two and left it because the presentation was about to start.

It was all good. Thank God, I did not need to speak. They have asked me before that and I refused. There was even people from the local press, which made me so anxious. However, the presentation was over and the fun part started. Wine and food, lovely combination. I did not know more than half of the people there and felt so uncomfortable. Furthermore, mixing whiskey and wine is not wise! I did not get drunk, of course, but I was stressed that I might get, which was not helpful!

Everything finished for 2 hours. I thought it was 2 days. People were delighted. They loved the food, the wine from a local winery; it was a very useful event for everybody.

It took me 3 days to feel like myself, I felt drained from the event. I told my staff that I do not want to see people until Christmas and they laughed. I was not joking at all. Unfortunately, that is not possible so I am continuing to put my introvert side out of its comfort zone by communicating with human beings.

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