The pressure is overwhelming

The last two weeks didn’t feel like two weeks.

They felt like one long blur.

The last two weeks passed by like a single day. It went by so fast that, looking back, I can’t even explain what actually happened. 

We have lots of work to do in our business, 
which is great. 

But having a toddler around all day
while trying to work —
is a challenge.

My little boy usually behaves very well, but like every small child, he needs attention, so focusing on anything for long is hard.

Veni is still teaching,
so I handle most of the house alone —
again, with the little one at home. 

I have to admit, he likes to help, even with cleaning,
but with him, everything takes longer, 
and time becomes a luxury
when your days are already full.

Stress is slowly pouring over me,
and its effects are slowly starting to consume me.
Over the past few evenings,
intrusive thoughts have been coming in waves — crashing into my mind
and filling it with fear.

I’d call it a tsunami…

but I know it can get worse.

Back to the stress.

On top of work and house chores,
we decided our boy will start kindergarten this September.

So I had to look for a good place,
make sure the food is decent,
that the kindergarten has positive feedback from other parents (I didn’t know any here in the city).
After doing my research,
I finally selected one.
We even filled out the paperwork for him to attend.
Now he just needs to turn three, and he’ll be off to kindergarten.

I only hope I’ll be able to manage everything, because I feel like most things are slipping through my fingers, and different emotions are starting to surface.

One of those emotions is guilt.
I don’t train enough.
I don’t eat as well as I used to.
I don’t play the piano.
I haven’t written in ages. 
I’m reading so slowly I’m starting to forget the story.

It feels like the things I love are on pause—like a distant dream.

I know that work is the focus and priority right now, especially with all the expenses we’ll have for renovating the house. Still, I don’t feel any balance in my life, and I need that in order to feel well and be able to give more of myself.

I need it to feel like myself again.

If the pressure feels like it’s too much to carry right now:

→ When your mind is loud but you keep going  

→ Slowly getting back to “normal”