The pressure is overwhelming

The last two weeks passed by like a single day. It went by so fast that, looking back, I have no explanation for what actually happened. We have lots of work to do in our business, which is great. However, having a toddler around all day while trying to work is very challenging.

My little boy usually behaves very well, but as a small child, he often seeks attention, so focusing on anything for long is hard.

Veni is still teaching, so I do most of the domestic chores alone—again, with the little one at home. I have to admit, he likes to clean and is actually helpful, but with him, everything takes longer, and time is a luxury when you have so many tasks to complete each day.

Stress is pouring over me, and its effects are slowly starting to consume me. Over the past few evenings, intrusive thoughts have started coming in waves, crashing into my mind and filling it with awful experiences. I’d say it feels like a tsunami, but I know it could get worse (it has before), so I’m saving that comparison for another situation—one I truly hope never comes.

Okay, back to the stress.

On top of work and house chores, we decided that our boy will start kindergarten this September. So I had to look for a good place, make sure the food is decent, and that the kindergarten has positive feedback from other parents (I didn’t know any here in the city). After doing my research, I finally selected one. We even filled out the paperwork for him to attend. Now he just needs to turn three, and he’ll be off to kindergarten.

I only hope there will be enough time to manage everything, because I feel like most things are slipping through my fingers, and different emotions are starting to surface.

One of those emotions is guilt. I don’t train enough. I don’t eat as healthily as I used to. I don’t have time to practice playing the piano, and I haven’t written anything for the blog in ages. I’m reading my book so slowly that I’m starting to forget what it’s about.

It feels like the things I enjoy are on pause—like a distant dream.

I know that work is the focus and priority right now, especially with all the expenses we’ll have for renovating the house. Still, I don’t feel any balance in my life, and I need that in order to feel well and be able to give more of myself.

I hope you’re coping better than I am!