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For the days when everything feels too much

  Some days feel like a nightmare — full of pressure and rush. On those days I feel tired, overwhelmed, chased by tasks. It feels like my head is going to explode. Everything slips through my fingers and I lose control, unable to do anything and forced to do everything at the same time. The pressure squeezes me in a deadly hug, trying to drain all my energy and leave me barely breathing on the floor. It feels like there is a fog around me and my mind tries to see through it. Everything becomes too loud, too fast, or sometimes painfully slow. Anxiety fills my body like poison. When I feel that I’m losing the present from my sight, I try to stop and breathe. I take a small moment for myself — closing my eyes, trying to find the safe space in my soul, the refuge inside my body — and I tell myself: Everything will be fine. This will pass. You are strong enough. I try to return to the present by focusing on one task, just one thing I can do right now. Finishing that one small thi...
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The accident

accident, little boy, sad, harm, OCD, stress


I had a lovely week. My mother came to visit us and we had a great time. She took care of my son while I was cooking delicious food for everybody. She cried a lot when I left her at the station, my heart was tearing apart. She is a wonderful mother and the best grandmother!

Unfortunately, my son had an accident. He felt from a trailer parked in our garden and hit his head on a rock. I rushed to pick him up and while hugging him I saw blood on my hand. I was so scared from the view – my boy on the ground crying. The blood on my hand made my entire body shake. My partner was right next to me trying to see where the blood was coming from. I rushed to take our documents and the car keys and went straight to the emergency.

The blood stopped when we got in the car, he stopped crying as well, but inside I was so worried that I had the feeling I will pass out. When we got to the emergency where they took care of him, told us it was not serious and glued his wound. I was somewhat relieved but I was still feeling very anxious. Funny thing, I had an appointment with my therapist an hour before that. I wrote to tell her what happened and how I blame myself. A few minutes before the accident I happened to tell my partner that I was a bit worried about leaving our son alone playing around the trailer.

I am trying not to blame myself and I am trying to think rationally. Many different intrusive thoughts are occupying my mind. My stomach hurts a lot and I want to throw up. Intrusive thoughts provoked by harm OCD are occupying my mind. I guess it was a huge stress for my body. I took a pill to help me relax and I will try different technics to help my condition.

Slowly, I start to feel better. I hope my boy is fine and we will have a calm night. I also hope that I will manage to sleep. In addition, I really pray that tomorrow I will be fine.

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