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The moments when you stop recognizing yourself

  One day I woke up and felt different. I could not say why — it was just a feeling living somewhere inside me. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. It was me, a tired version, but still me. Yet something within me did not feel the same. Something had changed, and I could almost see how this other person was trying to get out and live my life. I told myself it was just a period and it would pass. I thought that once I took a break, I would return to myself again. But weeks later there was still no time to rest. And slowly, the other person began living my life. This person was nervous, anxious, and a bit mean. Unsatisfied, raising his voice, reacting with negativity. Impatient, not particularly kind, tolerating nothing and no one. Patience simply did not exist for him. I did not want him there, but I did not have the strength to fight him. The exhaustion was too big. Inside, I felt confused, disgusted, and ashamed of my actions. I felt lonely and misunders...
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The accident

accident, little boy, sad, harm, OCD, stress


I had a lovely week. My mother came to visit us and we had a great time. She took care of my son while I was cooking delicious food for everybody. She cried a lot when I left her at the station, my heart was tearing apart. She is a wonderful mother and the best grandmother!

Unfortunately, my son had an accident. He felt from a trailer parked in our garden and hit his head on a rock. I rushed to pick him up and while hugging him I saw blood on my hand. I was so scared from the view – my boy on the ground crying. The blood on my hand made my entire body shake. My partner was right next to me trying to see where the blood was coming from. I rushed to take our documents and the car keys and went straight to the emergency.

The blood stopped when we got in the car, he stopped crying as well, but inside I was so worried that I had the feeling I will pass out. When we got to the emergency where they took care of him, told us it was not serious and glued his wound. I was somewhat relieved but I was still feeling very anxious. Funny thing, I had an appointment with my therapist an hour before that. I wrote to tell her what happened and how I blame myself. A few minutes before the accident I happened to tell my partner that I was a bit worried about leaving our son alone playing around the trailer.

I am trying not to blame myself and I am trying to think rationally. Many different intrusive thoughts are occupying my mind. My stomach hurts a lot and I want to throw up. Intrusive thoughts provoked by harm OCD are occupying my mind. I guess it was a huge stress for my body. I took a pill to help me relax and I will try different technics to help my condition.

Slowly, I start to feel better. I hope my boy is fine and we will have a calm night. I also hope that I will manage to sleep. In addition, I really pray that tomorrow I will be fine.

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