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The power of a mother

  As I mentioned in a previous post , my mother spent a lovely week with us and my boy was very happy to be with his grandmother. I had the opportunity to take care of myself, get some things done and to cook several times a day for everyone, which I enjoyed so much! Not so long ago I started to take pianoclasses . I love them. Moreover, my teacher and I (she is 3 years younger than me) became friends. She has spent the last month in Japan and I cannot wait to see her and to tell me everything about it! Back to my mother: so my mother has never seen me playing (I have sent her some short records of me playing) as we live several hours apart and she has not visited since I’ve had it.   One of the days that we were spending together, I asked if she wanted to hear me play. She got excited and said yes right away. I told her that I have not practiced in almost a month, just did not have the time (I know it sounds silly, especially, since the piano is in my bedroom) and while m...
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The evening after the accident

 

intrusive thoughts,messy mind,stress,OCD

I feel a mess. My OCD, my intrusive thoughts do not give a second of peace. I barely can take a breath. My stomach hurts badly; I cannot eat or drink anything. I feel sick all the time. My lips are very dry.

My hands are shaking, I feel cold and sleepy at the same time, I cannot imagine going to bed. I try to do different things but I am very emotional now so I cannot focus on anything or if I do, it is just for couple of minutes. After that, it is just the same or even worse.

I talked to my therapist again; we wrote online too, however, I could not calm down. As soon as I feel better, somebody calls to ask questions about my boy and I am living this nightmare again.

I have a strange feeling on the back of my head. It tingles. I have this “waves” around my body when an intrusive thought comes and scare me. I have not experienced this in months. I feel a bit lost as if I am not sure how to handle everything. It almost feels like a first time experience and at the same time, I remember those moments back in the days. I know it is just now, just this moment, the emotion that needs to go away but it is not that easy. Not easy at all. I struggle, I suffer, I see how my partner is struggling with my condition and I hate to do this to him.

Having an OCD is a complete nightmare. These days I was even thinking to stop my pills entirely. This night there is no chance anybody could convince me to do that. I will continue with them, I will include the second one for a week or two and I hope to feel better as soon as possible. I hope tomorrow will be a better, healthier day for me.

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