Stress, stress and more stress

The last few days have been crazy, and I don’t know how I’m managing everything.

I guess — not so well, because I ended up crying on the kitchen floor, overstimulated by all the tasks I had to do, my son constantly repeating “mum” over and over, and me cooking at the same time.

Suddenly, I felt something break inside me, and the tears started pouring from my eyes. I let them come, because I know it’s a good sign — the stress, the pressure, the uncertainty — it’s coming out, and it will calm me down. I was alone with my little boy, who didn’t understand what was happening but just stayed next to me.

What brought me to this point?

There are a few things going on right now, and I can’t talk about one of them — not yet — though it makes me very anxious.

If I had to put them in order, I guess work stress would take first place.

This week has been insanely busy, and on top of that, my little boy got a fever, which affected all of our plans and tasks for the week.

Now Veni is teaching some courses, and I’m alone at home with our son, working remotely — which is incredibly challenging, because he needs so much attention.

I keep bouncing between guilt that I’m not giving him enough time, and the reality that I have a job and I need to do it. So yes — kindergarten is definitely happening this autumn.

Veni’s courses are in addition to our other job (our family business), and when our little one got sick, everything became more difficult. Usually, I handle most of the chores at home and do the grocery shopping, but now it’s just... too much. And on top of that, I don’t feel well myself. I guess it’s one of those stupid summer viruses, and I have a feeling it’s going to get us all, one by one.

I need a break.

Just one day for myself — some peace, good food, no rushing through three million tasks at the same time. 

At times like these, I really miss my mother, and I regret that we don’t live in the same city — or even close enough so I could drop off my boy for a few hours.

Tonight, I’m thinking of having a nice dinner, taking a long shower, pouring a glass of wine, and reading my book.

I hope nothing gets in the way.