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The moments when you stop recognizing yourself

  One day I woke up and felt different. I could not say why — it was just a feeling living somewhere inside me. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. It was me, a tired version, but still me. Yet something within me did not feel the same. Something had changed, and I could almost see how this other person was trying to get out and live my life. I told myself it was just a period and it would pass. I thought that once I took a break, I would return to myself again. But weeks later there was still no time to rest. And slowly, the other person began living my life. This person was nervous, anxious, and a bit mean. Unsatisfied, raising his voice, reacting with negativity. Impatient, not particularly kind, tolerating nothing and no one. Patience simply did not exist for him. I did not want him there, but I did not have the strength to fight him. The exhaustion was too big. Inside, I felt confused, disgusted, and ashamed of my actions. I felt lonely and misunders...
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Cleaning our new house

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I find it amazing how much stuff we leave behind when we die. It is quite obvious that most of the things we keep through the years are junk that we do not use for anything, but have just in case.

As I wrote in a previous post, the owners of the first floor wanted to clean most of the furniture, and they did it; however, there was more, so we had to deal with it by ourselves. People often offer us to hire some gypsies to do the work, but Veni and I do not want to let random people inside our house. Yes, I know it does not have anything valuable yet, but it is our place, and I do not feel comfortable with strangers going inside! Of course, for the renovation, we will call experts, and they will enter our home, but if it is not absolutely necessary, I prefer foreign eyes and energy to stay outside our future home. Furthermore, while cleaning in the house, going from room to room, you feel the place better and start to visualize the space, the furniture, and the memories you want to create and live.

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I do not mind the junk that much, but everything is covered in so much dust and spider webs! Thank God I am not frightened of spiders; otherwise, I do not see myself helping anyhow! The photos are after the cleaning from the previous owners. It was so much more—when we went for the first time, we had to jump over stuff so we could move around the house. Even then, I could see the romance and magic the house possesses. With every little step towards a cleaner room, I could see how much more it is than I imagined. My boy loves running around, he has his own gloves for working, and at almost 3 years old, he has done more work than other people have. I feel blessed with this child!

After the first day of the first weekend that we started cleaning, I took a break and sat down on the dusty floor to enjoy the high ceiling. I felt like Alice in Wonderland—so small, so tiny in this huge room, full of space and opportunities for a family home.

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I cannot wait to do more and more, and to go and live there with my family!

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