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For the days when everything feels too much

  Some days feel like a nightmare — full of pressure and rush. On those days I feel tired, overwhelmed, chased by tasks. It feels like my head is going to explode. Everything slips through my fingers and I lose control, unable to do anything and forced to do everything at the same time. The pressure squeezes me in a deadly hug, trying to drain all my energy and leave me barely breathing on the floor. It feels like there is a fog around me and my mind tries to see through it. Everything becomes too loud, too fast, or sometimes painfully slow. Anxiety fills my body like poison. When I feel that I’m losing the present from my sight, I try to stop and breathe. I take a small moment for myself — closing my eyes, trying to find the safe space in my soul, the refuge inside my body — and I tell myself: Everything will be fine. This will pass. You are strong enough. I try to return to the present by focusing on one task, just one thing I can do right now. Finishing that one small thi...
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All in my mind (eye situation)

Eye,intrusive thoughts,stress,anxiety,OCD
As I previously wrote, my boyfriend and I try to make our garden a better place. All of this takes a lot of time, effort and money. We truly enjoy the work and try to do most of it on our own. I love that we are learning new things. After the “hammer situation”, I had to do more things at home and everything concerning our child. It was difficult, both emotionally and physically. Another lovely surprise was that we all got sick. My little one (2 yo) was sick for the first time, but it was not that bad and I did not get extremely worried.

I do not know why but lately everything that we have started has been on a pause. Different reasons from everybody, but this has put us in a situation where we could not finish the space in the garden where my boyfriend will fix his motorcycle and my baby boy will be playing. In addition, it is getting colder and we have not changed the heating system, so the temperature in our bedroom sometimes is 16.8 degrees, which I find cold (especially when you are sick)! Now, suddenly, everything is almost happening in one day, which leads to a lot of stress.

When my boyfriend hit his hand with the hammer, it was almost dark and we were so tired. We made a promise not to go so far because our health is most important. This time it was dark and we barely could see anything but we were cleaning in front of our garage. My boyfriend was using a headlamp to help dig soil that he was putting in a wheelbarrow. Our little boy was playing next to us. It was so dark; I almost hit my eye in the corner of the wheelbarrow. It happened twice and I got mad. I immediately stopped and told my boyfriend that this is stupid and unnecessary. He agreed.

We put everything back in the house. Came in, took showers, everything was fine, until it hit my mind. Some intrusive thoughts started about my eye. I was so tired of work I could not think straight. Thought after thought, different scenarios, making me feel uncomfortable. I looked myself in the mirror and saw nothing wrong, but my mind just did not want to let me go. I talked about it with my boyfriend, it helped just a bit. What actually helps me is now writing about it.

This is what OCD makes me believe. Something that is not true. I still cannot find the right words to express it but I will do my best in the future. I hope others understand us better and be more supportive.

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