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The moments when you stop recognizing yourself

  One day I woke up and felt different. I could not say why — it was just a feeling living somewhere inside me. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. It was me, a tired version, but still me. Yet something within me did not feel the same. Something had changed, and I could almost see how this other person was trying to get out and live my life. I told myself it was just a period and it would pass. I thought that once I took a break, I would return to myself again. But weeks later there was still no time to rest. And slowly, the other person began living my life. This person was nervous, anxious, and a bit mean. Unsatisfied, raising his voice, reacting with negativity. Impatient, not particularly kind, tolerating nothing and no one. Patience simply did not exist for him. I did not want him there, but I did not have the strength to fight him. The exhaustion was too big. Inside, I felt confused, disgusted, and ashamed of my actions. I felt lonely and misunders...
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My new passion – piano

 




I have always loved to listen to music, sing (as much as I can) and dance. I wanted to dance professionally but my parents had other plans so I trained martial arts. I used to sing at school in the choir. It was a lovely experience and I enjoyed it very much.

Another desire of mine was to know how to play an instrument. My first love was the guitar. I bought my first one when I was 15 years old. I struggled twice to learn to play it without any success. I was not serious enough.

When we came to live in the village, I was looking for something appropriate for my boy to go to in the close town. He was almost 2 years old when we started visiting a music teacher. They were playing with different instruments and he quite enjoyed it. Suddenly, he started to be very distracted and I decided to stop him from going. My idea was he to go to piano lessons in the future.

Best thing I did for myself in years – I decided to start piano lessons. I did not know anything about it. I did not know if I would enjoy it but I desperately needed to do something, to learn something, to have my own thing, a hobby were I could be me and express what I feel inside.

Few months later, I absolutely love it! Slowly, I am learning, still just in the begging, but I am so grateful that I let myself try it and pushed away all the OCD thoughts. My teacher is amazing; we have so much in common! We both love reading and we started to play board games and do puzzles together.

Currently, I am learning the moonlight sonata. I found that it focusses me, my mind goes blank and clear, I feel so calm, everything around me disappears. I guess it is a new tool to relieve stress and would be helpful when I have OCD thoughts.

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