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This Is Not for Everyone

  I am not here seeking admiration or devotion. I am here to be — and to show others that this way of being is not scary. I write because it is my salvation from messy thoughts and overwhelming days. Writing puts my mind in order. It gives me space for self-love and for catching my breath. I cannot be here all the time. Actually, I probably could — but I do not want to. I do not want to pay the price of viral fame. I do not want to lose myself in the illusion of the world around me. I do not want to forget where it all started or lose the ground under my feet. Being able to disappear is a necessity for me. It allows me to rest, to recharge, and to stay focused and calm. I disappear from the noise. From expectations. From the pressure that tells you that if you do not constantly do more, you will lose track or fail. When I come back, I see the world more clearly. Without pink glasses. Without dark thoughts taking over. I feel grounded again. I can look at...

My new passion – piano

 




I have always loved to listen to music, sing (as much as I can) and dance. I wanted to dance professionally but my parents had other plans so I trained martial arts. I used to sing at school in the choir. It was a lovely experience and I enjoyed it very much.

Another desire of mine was to know how to play an instrument. My first love was the guitar. I bought my first one when I was 15 years old. I struggled twice to learn to play it without any success. I was not serious enough.

When we came to live in the village, I was looking for something appropriate for my boy to go to in the close town. He was almost 2 years old when we started visiting a music teacher. They were playing with different instruments and he quite enjoyed it. Suddenly, he started to be very distracted and I decided to stop him from going. My idea was he to go to piano lessons in the future.

Best thing I did for myself in years – I decided to start piano lessons. I did not know anything about it. I did not know if I would enjoy it but I desperately needed to do something, to learn something, to have my own thing, a hobby were I could be me and express what I feel inside.

Few months later, I absolutely love it! Slowly, I am learning, still just in the begging, but I am so grateful that I let myself try it and pushed away all the OCD thoughts. My teacher is amazing; we have so much in common! We both love reading and we started to play board games and do puzzles together.

Currently, I am learning the moonlight sonata. I found that it focusses me, my mind goes blank and clear, I feel so calm, everything around me disappears. I guess it is a new tool to relieve stress and would be helpful when I have OCD thoughts.

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