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The moments when you stop recognizing yourself

  One day I woke up and felt different. I could not say why — it was just a feeling living somewhere inside me. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. It was me, a tired version, but still me. Yet something within me did not feel the same. Something had changed, and I could almost see how this other person was trying to get out and live my life. I told myself it was just a period and it would pass. I thought that once I took a break, I would return to myself again. But weeks later there was still no time to rest. And slowly, the other person began living my life. This person was nervous, anxious, and a bit mean. Unsatisfied, raising his voice, reacting with negativity. Impatient, not particularly kind, tolerating nothing and no one. Patience simply did not exist for him. I did not want him there, but I did not have the strength to fight him. The exhaustion was too big. Inside, I felt confused, disgusted, and ashamed of my actions. I felt lonely and misunders...
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I have a lot of work lately. Both my partner and I are doing our best to take every possible opportunity to work and make money because (keep your fingers cross) we will meet the owner of the apartment that we want to buy this week. I hope that when we see it to feel it as our new home. After that, there is a lot of documentation awaiting us, as well a bank loan, but I feel ready for a new interesting change in our life.

These days not only we work hard but our son got sick. He just has this high temperature making him want to sleep all day. Even if he is quietly lying on the sofa, I still worry for him and I struggle to focus fully on the working process. I hope he feels better because I want to go to the office and work from there with my employees. I hired a new one and I want to make sure she understands the work and her tasks.

The weather changes are incredible; it rains, it is sunny – a proper Spring. Usually, this affects my OCD and sometimes I get these periods of constant anxiety; however, for now I feel fine and hope this year it passes me by.

Unfortunately, I do not feel quite well in the village where we live. I have not told this story but soon I might. It is about this constant tree cutting. It continues now. Moreover, it is not this sanitary cutting or just trimming, they root them out. I just do not understand it. It starts to look like a dessert here, a muddy one. So many creatures are homeless now, especially birds. I made them some feeders in our garden as I enjoy watching them eat. This relaxes me a bit, as I did something to help them cope with this situation.

 I hope that next month we are going on a motorcycle trip! If it happens, I will take you with us. I will show you more of our life and tell you more stuff that is personal.

I hope you enjoy some spring sunshine! J

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